Ten Habits to Becoming a Better Leader
As a leadership coach I am fascinated by any gathering surrounded by leaders. Such an event took place from 19 – 23 January in Davos, Switzerland. The 56th World Economic Forum Annual Meeting hosted 3000 attendees from 130 countries. Ironically the theme this year was “A Spirit of Dialogue”. World and business leaders with wealthy individuals discussed pressing issues ahead of the year. From what I saw there was not much dialogue from some leaders.
One lengthy speech lasted close to 90 minutes. To add insult to injury it seemed more like a monologue which did not initiate any dialogue. A strong focus was on anti-globalisation and domestic issues. By contrast one of the best speeches only lasted 33 minutes. This talk, also by a politician, sounded more like a TED talk, inspiring the audience with a story and a clear call to action. That speech created an opportunity and platform for dialogue.
Leaders need to focus on how they communicate, specifically paying attention to actively listening to the other person’s point of view; even if your view differs from theirs.
The following are some “Bad Listening Patterns” I noticed when reviewing the WEF speeches by some of the most powerful leaders of the modern world. On the left I listed the poor behaviours; on the right my interpretation of what it may signal to the other person:
Interrupting – Limited control over their curiosity or wanting to push their point
Ignoring experts – Own “facts” are more important showing their ego over evidence
Scripted responses – Listening to reply, rather than seeking to learn or to understand
Defensiveness – Wanting to be right and a fear of vulnerability
What can a leader do to adopt a better habit of improving their active listening? 30 years ago I learnt about five levels of listening from Steven Covey’s book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Here they are:
Ignoring – Children and unfortunately some adults are good at ignoring you. This is not a great way to start to actively listen. You may even lose out as the person moves onto someone who does not ignore them.
Pretend listening – When you meet a person who bores you what do you do? Perhaps default into low-level, subconscious behaviour where you act as if you are listening. You may nod, make eye contact and even respond with a “yeah”. Is your mind elsewhere?
Selective listening – Have you ever tried to listen to many people in a noisy room? Difficult isn’t it! We eventually start to selectively listen or pay attention. In a one on one conversation this process involves cognitively focusing on specific information. Selective listening may filter out certain critical information.
Attentive listening – As soon as your focus is on the other person only, giving them your full attention, you start to actively absorb and process their message. You are then able to blank out distractions and even prejudice. Your focus is on understanding and caring about what they are saying. Some filtering may still occur though.
Empathic listening – Imagine listening with your ears, eyes and body, fully immersed in what the other person is saying. This is deep listening seeking to understand the other person’s emotions, perspective and unspoken feelings. This is the level Steven Cover refers to as Habit 5 “Seek first to understand rather than being understood.” How do you feel when in such a conversation?
When you reach Level 5 you build trust. By practising this type of listening as much as possible it will become a habit. A simple way to ensure that you are actively listening includes asking yourself:
-Did I interrupt?
-Did I fail to paraphrase accurately?
-Did I neglect to acknowledge emotion?
If you answered yes to any or all of the above, pause and ask the person to repeat themselves or part of their message. The best question to ask is “Did you feel heard?”
The world is in dire need of more dialogue as we see more focus on directive or instructions focused on nationalism, even possibly fascism. Humans were created for relationships, let us develop our communication skills to ensure that we can constructively have a dialogue with each other. Perhaps this will help restore some order in a world that seems to be spinning out of control.
Want to become a leader people actually listen to?
Paul Tanton
Leadership Entrepreneur and Coach
